o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
