check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Bring me that man meat
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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