girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
