Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
