Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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