Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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