She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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