Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
