sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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