i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
