the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
