there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
