I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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