wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
