my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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