So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
