Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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