I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
