If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
