thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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