Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
