MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
