I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
