from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
