I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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