I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize