I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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