I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
