the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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