If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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