whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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