god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
