moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
