The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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