don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
