dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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