I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
