my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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