now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
