the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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