As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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