I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
