before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
