they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
