Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize