I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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