"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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