So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
