I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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