i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
