i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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