so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
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Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
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Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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