stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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