Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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