it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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