So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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