Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
