you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
