Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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