Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
