giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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