I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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